Monday, May 07, 2007
I would like to see some change. Some sort of change where it would just completely overwhelm me. The same drama, which isn't even real drama, is becoming tedious - in fact, it's like the old stuff but with an extension, an upgrade i.e. into UNI. I guess I am glad I made it in in the first place. I don't know what I would be like if I hadn't. I got in through my worst enemy, a dumb Access Scheme. I didn't think I needed it.. well I wasn't exactly needing any shoulder to cry on every 5 seconds. I am capable of dealing with things.. may not be the best way but it doesn't mean I needed that. Yet, besides all that, I still find that the very Uni Student space that I currently occupy is as a result of that. It's kinda shameful in a way and in a bigger way it feels like such a disappointment to my own ability. You know, I have yet to shine? 18 years and I have yet to prove myself. I know you think well why don't you start? You've been given a second chance, why are you still acting like a lazy shit? Well, in my own defence, noone has taught me how to change. I know it's all about being smarter, being more studious and all that shit.. but if they were the best ways to get myself on top, do you think i am that stupid to not ever hear of these words in the past? You must think i am the biggest dumbfuck in the world and for your information, I'm not. So don't assume that I have all the answers. Because I don't. And I don't intend to pick them straight from my arse either. Please, please, please, may you let me transfer next year. PLEASE. May you let me do a course I want. May you let me have some grades I can be proud of. I am trying. If you knew just how much you wouldn't look down on me so much. I'm sorry I'm such a letdown but I promise to find a D at least somewhere in this course. Well, I have but I barely did anything in that so it doesnt count. Anyway, I just had to add this blog looks like shit and I wish I had the time like other lovely people to do something about it, i.e. ask someone to help me lol. Well, time for Relationships reading & writing, and Psychology assignment. xoxo
sunset kisses ;
