Sunday, February 26, 2006
Yay to polka dots. Wait till the holidays, I have a whole image just bursting to dance on to the Internet. Thanks Jimmy. =] I didn't think you'd come here that quick. I don't even come here that often; I don't know why there's a tagboard you know, I don't encourage anyone to come here. It doesn't have much. I will tag myself. Tag tag tag. Yay, I rule.
I've been sick for 2 days and I still have a Modern History Assessment tomorrow. God I'm screwed. I am cramming like shit and I don't think I can do this, even though we can bring notes in. Why did I choose a topic that seems to cover EVERYTHING. So stupid. Talk about making life easier for myself. *rolls eyes. I shall go and work till my head explodes after I'm done here, and figure out how to write a proper bibliography. I've written them for yonks and I still don't know how to write it properly.
Hail Hitler =]
Hmm. I only decided to come here to talk to myself. I had a weird day. This morning, I woke up early because.. I needed to. My dad comes upstairs and confirms that he has to give me money for Photoday. I turn around (at this time I am looking for all my library cards so I can renew them because I cannot be bothered doing it on school days) and to my utter suprise, I see my dad in tears. Yes, what the fuck indeed. He goes into his room and lies on his bed, and continues to cry. Being the sympathetic child, my first instincts drag me to the room and before I know it, I'm sitting beside him on the bed, just watching him cry, all the while blowing my nose because I'm still friggen sick. Anyway, he realises that I'm there and clutches at my arm lightly in what seems like much pain. I don't know where this came from, yet I always knew it was only a matter of time before he cracked. Well, there I sat and there he lay. He kept crying and said things like "why's my life so hard.. i don't understand.. i'll pray for you..just be happy..i'm sorry..i'll always support you..promise you have to study hard..be happy so you don't lead a sad life like mine.." Freaken .. it was as though I was lying at his deathbed. He spoke like he was about to die and I sat there beside him as though he was about to really die. So I felt pretty emotional and started crying myself. Don't know why; i'm just an emotional son of a cow. This goes on for like 10-20mins before he gets up and leaves. I, too get up, and the first thing i do is go downstairs and renew my books at Cab. I had a guilt trip for awhile and I was for the first time, ready to study, for him. I go over to dinner that evening and I find out, my brother, aunty, and mum are in discussion but NOT in the favour of my dad. Apparently, they are blaming him for things; my brother saying "he's making up excuses for us to stay with him.." blablabla. Now I don't know what to think. Did I fall for a guilt trip? I still can't really tell the difference. Argh, this family bullshit is giving me the fucking shits. I hate this shithole. And then I have to move houses, not once, but twice. Like, the fuck? I was told that once I moved here, I would never have to move again, and here we go again, moving again. What's it take to have something stable around here?
Fucken oath.
I can't be fucked stressing over this, though I can't escape it. I hope Hazel is okay too. Poor girl. Ya, well right now, I just want to be prepared for tomorrow and focus on that. It's Modern History. Of all the subjects I have, this is the only one I'm really intersrted in, yet I have yet to prove myself. *squeals. I hope I manage. Fingers crossseddddd.
Bye.
