Sunday, February 05, 2006
[hillaryduff - anywhere but here]
one week down & counting. god, it's dreadful isn't it? nehh, i guess not.i am currently in the mood of ripping heads off, in particular a pretty blockhead i have the misery of seeing everyday aka my pal, my sick blood-related brother, Jim D. eugh. on a normal day to day basis, he is tolerable; some days, in some instances, he is a REAL piece of work. if he could just put some use into a small fraction of his brain for me, i'd handle him fine like i'd handle putting on a bra. but nooo, he just has to be such a stubborn piece of shit who doesn't know how the fuck to be understanding, or at least, fucken try. "i have things to do" when all i'm asking is how to turn off this weird radio thing. "god, i'm going to fail.." when i am sitting there with a long face - not so hard to notice - not saying a word, OBVIOUSLY in some sort of pain. "would you just calm down a little bit?" when i am practically talking to myself agitated simply by the fact that i'm asking for help and the only son of a bitch in the room is only centimetres away sitting there oblivious to the oh so recognisable voice of his fucken sister. oh my fucken god, he irritates me sooo much. so inconsiderate. so selfish. so blind. so careless. so fucken effortless. you know you could just try to take a few minutes out of your little world to attend to at least some of my needs. i wish he'd just listen to the things he says sometimes. so insulting, yet when i snap, he gives the face as though "oh there she goes again, screaming about god knows what. pms time hmmm" i mean what the fuck. is pms the answer for everything to men? does it never occur to you thickheaded blokes that maybe you're the one who's fucken being a dickhead? maybe i'm asking for too much. maybe i'm unpredictable, in that sometimes i'm fine, while others i'm not. maybe i don't make it clear enough. or maybe, i just have the pleasure of meeting guys who have never heard of the word "understanding" or "trying" .. in fact, "trying to understand". i'm so sick of excuses like "you know i care, i just don't know how to show it." i'm sick of lying bastards who lie their way just to prove themselves right. i'm sick of guys making no effort to say waht they want to say, but merely "hint." you Pussys. i'm so sick of you not being creative enough to try to show you care. am i too soft on you? i'm not sure because really, now that i think of it, you've done nothing but make me feel like shit, like i'm to blame for everything. you're not sorry. and even if you are, you have no idea why and you will never make up for it. you don't drop by to see how i am and when you do, it's all in your own time, whenever you decide to feel nice. everything has to be your way. one day you'll wave back and the next you look at me with those accusing eyes like i've done something to hurt your feelings. your pride. how come it's always been me who has to make the effort to save friendships? am i really that much of a bad friend? why does it seem like everything i do, everything i say, is wrong? i don't know what to do or how to act anymore. and then, there's theres the 'you' that i don't want to have anything to do with anymore. don't ask me where it's come from but nothing you say is going to make me feel any better; you bring nothing but pain&hurtful memories. and why haven't you #2 said anything to me at all? it's weird that you can label me you're best friend when you go by weeks, even months without a word to me. i'm so sick of you all. i give everything away to have you people throw empty words&promises back at me. you know, if you ever had a promise you couldn't keep, words you couldn't stand up to, friendships you didn't want with you're whole heart, you could have easily say so. just don't fucken lie and don't fucken throw me around like i'm some sort of joyride. one thing i know, i'll never trust anyone again. even if i cry, as i am right now, you won't come back, you won't treat me any different, you won't make things right, you won't even know .. thankyou all for coming in my life, screwing it over, and stepping right out of it. i'm not even tlaking about one person, there's so many different people in there. i'm just so sick of you all giving me the shits. blame me if you will, it's not something i won't see coming.
potentialtomurder@1051pm
- jennifer.
