Saturday, December 31, 2005
[petemurray - better days]
its the end of yet another year and time for yet another reflection. i guess nothings really changed. i mean its just the end of another emotionally scarring, academically failing year, which ultimately brings me that one step closer to the very last day of my highschool life. can you believe it? i really cant, and as much as i think of the many hs experiences as simply 'eugh' and rather have them forgotten, i cant help but wish i could do all this over again. feels like mor than just a reflection of the past year, but more of the entire journey ever since i came to sefton; like its playing me a tribute film - at least rehearsing anyway. call me a partypooper at this time of the day, year, whatever, but i honestly dont want the new year to come but i dont necessarily want to go through this year again. its been mostly the same year after year.. im beginning to get restless. but just when id like to just throw it all away, i think, hey.. its the last yr next year. its the last year you're gona be able to spend with the group of people who have in time, turned into your family, your little support group. they shaped who you were and im spending my time complaining about my life? sounds rediculous and it probably is. the truth is though, i havent really enjoyed 2005. and now that i realise i havent, it doesnt give me much joy to invite the new year. i just dont feel it. instead, i feel like i've wasted another year of my life. really sad because highschool is meant to be the happiest time.. its where all your memories lie, cept all the shit thats happened seems to always appear when i try to reminisce. i guess i've had a bunch of memorable moments this year. i mean the year started out greaaat. nothing to worry about, no guy to think about, yer, everything was pretty sweet. i had the bestest times hanging out with kevin&scott .. like those walkhomes and stuff.. they always brightened my day. even brought me closer to kevin, whose friendship im forever grateful of having. ive enjoyed all my quality time spent with all my pals; the sneak outs to spend time with certain peeps; the fun gettin-picked-on phases; the volleyball matches, that we never really won; my bday, becomin a prefect yay; being part of various dayouts n bdays; etcetc .. it does sound alot wen i list it like that. i guess the year hasnt been too bad. but that emotionalbash rollercoaster really gets me worried. it happens all the time, just when i think things are fine, it gets messed up and thrown back in my face.. stabs me time and time again. to think that you pour your heart out to someone and instead of gaining something nice, you get pushed around, hurt, and cry yourself to sleep night after night. and then you get a few nice days, and the same thing happens again. its just so hurtful thinking back at those times.. i guess this year has taught me one thing - acceptance. theres alotta things i just have to accept and move on. i wish life was easier, i wish letting go was as easy as saying it, i wish i got back what i worked so hard for. as with any other year, this year has reiterated the fact that i love my friends. every single one of them. im so grateful and forever owing to those really special people who mean more than the world to me. its so cliche but i couldnt see the end of half the things i went through without the words of comfort, advice, the timeout they took to cheer me up and/or give me their shoulders to cry on [completely]. after everything thats happend this year, im pretty proud to say that im still me, still sane, and still hopeful.
may the new year bring happiness and kikass uai marks for everyone. look forward to spendin the last 3terms with the ppl who have helped shape who i am today. go hard! =]
with lots of love;
jennifer. ` xox [[=
byebye 2005 // @1141pm
sunset kisses ;
